The Value of Values

Sep 2

3 min read

What are your values?

What a question!

It's one that has come up countless times throughout my training and if I'm honest, I always tried to avoid the activity that went with the question. Values work just seemed... well... a bit boring. I'd much rather spend time learning about the exciting research into resilience, gratitude or strengths than sit with a long list of words trying to work out which ones mattered most to me.

Then one day a colleague told me how much the exercise had changed her life. She offered to do it with me and, slightly reluctantly, I agreed. It isn’t easy narrowing down a huge list of words like independence, family, justice, honesty, adventure, creativity, kindness, health and learning, to just three or five core values. But I can honestly say it was one of the most valuable (excuse the pun!) exercises I've done.

Values are the principles that matter most to us. They're different from goals. Goals are things we achieve and tick off a list. Values aren't something you ever complete, they're ongoing directions that help shape the way you live your life. Once you know what really matters to you, life becomes just that little bit clearer. For example, let’s say two of your top values are kindness and authenticity. When faced with a difficult decision, you might ask yourself, “Is this choice kind?” or “Is it true to who I am? “Values are like an internal compass, guiding your behaviour, decisions and relationships.

If life feels a bit out of sync, values are often a good place to start asking questions. Are you living in a way that reflects what's important to you? If one of your core values is family, are you making time for them? If it's creativity, when was the last time you made something just because you enjoyed it? If it's caring for the environment, are you doing the things that help you feel you're living that value?

When our lives line up with our values, we tend to feel more settled and fulfilled. When they don't, we can end up feeling restless, frustrated or wondering why something just doesn't feel right.

Research shows that living in line with our personal values is linked with greater wellbeing, higher life satisfaction, stronger motivation and better mental health. It also makes setting goals much easier because you're working towards something that actually matters to you, not what everyone else thinks you should be doing. Values work is especially useful during times of change, whether that's starting university, changing careers, becoming a parent or simply feeling unsure about your next step.

Sometimes I'll bring out my pack of values cards during a coaching session. We sort them into three piles: really matters to me, matters a little and doesn't really matter. The challenge is always in narrowing down the really matters pile to three (or five) core values. Clients often have lightbulb moments as they realise why certain situations drain them, why some decisions feel impossible, or why they've been feeling out of sync with themselves. I've found that many of my teenage clients enjoy this activity too. It gives them a chance to think about who they are, rather than who they think they should be.

One value that comes up time and time again with many of my neurodivergent clients, particularly those with ADHD, is justice or fairness. Often people with ADHD get incredibly upset/angry when something feels unfair or when someone else has been treated badly. That strong sense of justice isn't talked about as much as things like distractibility or impulsivity, but it's something many people identify with.

This is one of the reasons I love doing values work with neurodivergent clients. It helps us move away from focusing only on challenges and instead understand what really drives someone. When we know our values, we can make decisions that fit who we are, advocate for what matters to us and build a life that feels authentic, not one based on masking or trying to fit into everyone else's expectations.

Values work is valuable work; take a moment to think about what your values are and whether you are living a life aligned with your internal compass.

Lauren Richards GMBPsS, MSc, EMCC, HGDipl, Cert Ed., BSocSc

Specialist AuDHD and Positive Psychology Coach

www.larkcoaching.co.uk

larkcoaching@gmail.com