Rocking Chair Wisdom

Imagine for a moment you are one of the fortunate ones who makes it to the wizened stage of life, sitting in a rocking chair, sipping your favourite tipple, gently reflect on the years gone by. What will be the highlights, your favourite memories your regrets?

That is what should be driving you. Those moments you can never get back. The time with your children and loved ones, the experiences you always promised yourself but kept putting off. The idea that our lives are a finite, fragile flame, and we never know when it might go out.

Bronnie Ware an Australian author, wrote about the top 5 deathbed regrets she heard during her time as a palliative care nurse. These regrets include:

1.     Wishing they had lived a life true to themselves,

2.     Not working so hard,

3.     Having the courage to express their feelings,

4.     Staying in touch with friends, and

5.     Allowing themselves to be happier.

How many of these might be true for you?

For those of us in colder climes, this is the time of year when we snuggle down and make magic memories. We bake treats, wrap and open gifts, laugh, soak up the lights, savour the coziness, and for those of us old enough, a Baileys coffee or two. Yet sadly, for some this time of year is lonely and full of regrets.

We are also nearing the time when people make all sorts of grand resolutions to change their lives. Funny how we need a specific date to change our life! What difference does a date make? Sometimes it doesn’t matter if you’re ready. Sometimes you just have to take a giant leap of faith and do whatever it is you need to do, change what no longer works. Fix those relationships that are worth fixing and if they aren’t, then leave. Call that friend you miss, quit the job, do the course, visit the country, play the game, step away from the rat race…

Within psychotherapy there exists an approach known as Narrative therapy. One of the methods this approach uses is to encourage people to look at the story of their life and then to invite them to re-write it. This is a powerful technique as by encouraging people to focus on their strengths, values and what went right, it helps them to move forwards. Rewriting your story can help you to let go of the burdens of your past and move towards your preferred future.

This month when you find yourself in a pensive mood, I invite you to consider the story of your life. Look for the good and use this to help you redefine your future. A future in which you are true to yourself, don’t work too hard (unless you really and truly love it), are able to express your feelings, spend time with your friends, and allow yourself to be happy.

I really hope you are fortunate enough to make it to that rocking chair future and reflect on happy memories. Just in case you don’t make it though, perhaps you should start living now.

Lauren Richards GMBPsS, MSc, EMCC, HGDipl, Cert Ed., BSocSc 

Positive Psychologist and Coaching Psychologist

www.larkcoaching.co.uk

larkcoaching@gmail.com