Be Their Parent
- Lauren Richards
- May 12
- 3 min read
Be their parent
Like many parents, my husband and I were haunted after watching the Netflix series Adolescence. The impact of social media, the lack of communication between parents and teens and the lack of awareness of what is going on in your teen’s world. It really strengthened my belief in the importance of responsible parenting.
This article focuses on relationship building and creating opportunities for your teen to open up to you. It is about being approachable, about taking control and being responsible for protecting your child.
If I was a fly on the wall watching you and your teen communicate, what would I see? Who is doing most of the talking? What would I learn from looking at body language? Is your teen engaged, looking at you, facing you? Are they laughing, smiling? Does the conversation flow two ways? Or are they doing their utmost to look anywhere but at you, stooped over and feet pointing towards the nearest exit?
The key to relationship building is communication and trust. If you want to change your relationship with your teen, you need to change the way you communicate with them. And this change starts with you.
Stop nagging and telling. Stop talking AT them. Don’t fill in the silences, instead sit in silence with them. Find out about their interests and be curious. Don’t fake it – they’ll know! Don’t overdo it.
By checking in with your teen every day in a meaningful way, you can notice potentially problematic beliefs, indications of bullying, and have the opportunity to help them to stay grounded. One of the most effective ways to check in with your young person is to eat dinner together as a family. This is an opportunity to catch up, find out about what’s happening with them and in their friendship groups. By regularly sitting together while you eat, you can monitor their moods and, most importantly, bond with them. Our dinner table is usually a bit of a giggle-fest with conversations including (very) rude jokes, what happened at college, run-downs on gaming sessions, reminiscing about holidays, and solving world hunger. Communication lines are open, and most importantly, everyone is seen and heard.
I have heard many parents comment on how their teen spends hours in their room, door closed, looking at screens. Just because teens do it, it doesn’t mean that they should, or that it is ok. It is NEVER healthy to be shut away in a dark bedroom for hours on end. As a parent you need to be aware of the social media they are on and how they use it. What’s more, you can say no to them having social media. Even if this makes you uncool!
Be the parent and take control. They may moan or sulk – let them. You have the power to disconnect the internet, to take away their phones, to stop pocket money, to use parental control on their devices, and to ground them if necessary. Use your power! And for goodness sake don’t give in to their sulks and moods. I’ll say it again – be the parent!
On the other hand, create an environment where they don’t feel the need to lock themselves in a dark room staring at a screen. Eat together, watch films together, be together. Share funny stories with them. Be prepared to be eye-balled and laughed at more than with. But take it on the chin. Pop a little love you note on their desk or play their favourite music in the car. Try to encourage a variety of activities and experiences – so they can find something to be passionate about, whilst developing confidence and self-esteem.
Chances are, you’ll only have them for a few more years, then they’ll head out to start their own lives. If you are lucky, they’ll come back to you for guidance and love, and you’ll get to share in their lives and be their best friend. For now, you need to be the best parent – so love them, guide them and help them to have a happy adolescence.
Lauren Richards GMBPsS, MSc, EMCC, HGDipl, Cert Ed., BSocSc
Positive Psychologist and Coaching Psychologist
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