Other People Matter

One of the key insights from the science of happiness, (aka positive psychology), is that other people matter. When we act altruistically - when we are kind, compassionate, or generous - our bodies reward us with a biological cocktail of feel-good chemicals. This is because we are physiologically designed to be kind and to connect with others. What’s more, research shows that people who volunteer their time, contribute to meaningful causes, and live in service of something bigger than themselves not only live longer, but also lead richer, happier, more purposeful lives.

That’s one of the reasons why I volunteer.

The other reason being the double standards in the British media’s response to refugees. When war displaced people from Arabic-speaking countries, headlines portrayed them as threatening and coming to steal our jobs. When blonde-haired Europeans from Ukraine fled the same horrors, they were embraced as “just like us,” with people opening their homes in solidarity. As an English girl growing up under the apartheid regime in South Africa I had always assumed England was a better, kinder, more just place to live. How wrong I was. How angry I was.

I channelled that anger and began volunteering with a charity (Conexión Creando Puentes) which offers language lessons to refugees across the world. Every week I chatted in English to a wonderful lady from Lebanon, and what began as language support turned into a beautiful friendship. We exchanged stories, explored each other’s cultures, compared beliefs and sent each other photo snapshots of our lives.

As a psychologist and lecturer, I wanted to use my skills to contribute more. When the crisis in Gaza deepened, the charity’s director and I decided we had to do something to help the children. Through her contacts in Gaza we were able to put together a programme to offer support to the teachers who, despite all the destruction, and loss, are still showing up for their students. I developed online sessions on trauma, resilience, self-care, creativity, and hope. For the past 6 weeks I have been supporting 12 teachers who, in turn, reach more than 600 children.

All the while, the genocide continues and the people are starving.

Last week I came across a video that will probably haunt me forever. It is of a boy standing in the rubble of a building. As he picks through bits of debris, he tells the person filming “I miss them … my grandparents were just here … I must find them.”  The expression on his face – haunting and heartbreaking.

And all I could think was that this child will grow up to hate. He will grow up to seek revenge on those who dropped the bombs, those who provided the weapons, and those who stood by and allowed it to happen. And why wouldn’t he? Wouldn’t you? Wouldn’t I?

That is why our wellbeing programme matters. It is our attempt to show children like him that the world is not entirely cruel and they haven’t been forgotten. There are people who care, there is still hope.

Because if we don’t act, if children grow up with only hatred and trauma, the cycle will continue. One day, we may be the ones fleeing with our babies across dangerous seas, only to arrive in a foreign land where we are rejected, despised, and told we are not welcome.

Think about this: perhaps the only reason you are here safe and sound and not searching through the rubble for your loved ones, or risking your life to travel across treacherous seas -because you have no other choice - is by virtue of where you were born. That’s it. Lucky, lucky you!

Use your privilege to help, because you can and because you should.

Volunteering is not just about kindness. It is about breaking cycles of trauma and despair with small acts of humanity.

The science of happiness says that helping others makes us feel better. But it can be much bigger than that. Sometimes, it is the difference between a child growing up with hope or with hate.

And that difference matters.

Lauren Richards GMBPsS, MSc, EMCC, HGDipl, Cert Ed., BSocSc 

Positive Psychologist and Coaching Psychologist

www.larkcoaching.co.uk

larkcoaching@gmail.com